


Something More to This

by VioletReaper



Series: The Bride of Bill Cipher [1]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Awkward Dipper Pines, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, F/M, Great Uncle Ford doesn't approve, I think that pretty much sums it up1, Mabel is boy-crazy, Moments of awkwardness, Neither does Dipper, New Friends, OC keeps her own journal, OC rides a motorcycle!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-11-05 05:12:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11006700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletReaper/pseuds/VioletReaper
Summary: Jacky Anderson has been visiting Gravity Falls ever since she was 12, and this year, she's here to stay. She's excited to see her childhood friend (a certain Illuminati Dorito) again, but this year, she receives a warning from him that everything she cares about is going to change. That could very well include her friendship with the most powerful being in Gravity Falls.





	1. Prologue: Leaving Home

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Gravity Falls or its characters. I only own my OC and blah-blah-blah. LET'S JUST START!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet my OC and fictional representation of myself! This takes place just a few days before Episode 1, "Tourist Trapped."

It was the end of the school year, and Jacky Anderson, a tall young lady with a slender build and voluminous blond hair and blue eyes, couldn't have been more excited. This was the year she was finally leaving home. Sure, she was only 17, but by the end of the summer, she'd be 18, technically no longer a minor. She was going to Gravity Falls, her favorite place in the world, where she'd gone every summer ever since she was 12. She'd been making plans in advance for weeks: packing her belongings into a medium-sized U-Haul trailer until all that remained in her room was a sleeping bag and an alarm clock, making sure she had several sets of spare tires for the long road ahead, and packing enough food to get her through the journey. She wanted to be ready for anything and everything.

Now, I know what you're probably thinking: she's driving there in a car or a truck or something. Actually, she was going to ride her Harley Davison motorcycle the entire 206 miles between her hometown of Kennewick, Washinton to Gravity Falls, Oregon. She had a lot of great memories of the sleepy yet strange little town: battling gnomes who wanted to make her their queen, playing with magic crystals, visiting the Mystery Shack and helping its owner improve the shack's appearance, making friends with the locals. Yep, Gravity Falls was her favorite place to go during the summer, and she was looking forward to spending the rest of her life there. As she finished packing her belongings into the U-Haul, she glanced back to where her mother, Joanna, stood watching from the doorway. She was a short, somewhat curvy middle-aged woman with reddish-blond hair and blue eyes. The two of them had been through a lot since the day Jacky had been born, and the teen could tell it was hard for her mother to come to terms with the fact that her only child was moving away. She could see it in the sad smile she wore, and the slight gleam of unshed tears in her eyes. Closing up the U-Haul, Jacky pulled on her purple leather biker jacket and zipped it up. She then walked over to her mother, her heavy boots clacking against the concrete. "Well, that's everything," she said. "I'm all packed up and ready to go."  
"You're sure you've packed everything, now?" her mother asked, hesitant to send her off so soon. "All your clothes, jewelry, make-up, books, movies, all that?"  
"Yes, Mom. The room's empty," jacky assured her. "Feel free to use it for whatever you want."  
"I'm gonna miss you, doll," Joanna said, unable to stop herself from using the nickname she'd given her years ago. "You'll call me as soon as you get to Gravity Falls, all right?"  
"I know, I know and send you texts every day," Jacky recited. "And e-mail you pics every week so you know I'm all right. I'll miss you too, Mom. And what did I say about calling me 'Doll?'"  
"I can't help it. This is the last time I'm going to see you face to face until Thanksgiving. Let me call you 'Doll' one last time, won't you?"  
"Fine." The two shared one last goodbye hug, tears in their eyes. "I love you, Mom."  
"I love you, too. Now get going, before I change my mind and drag you back inside."

With a soft chuckle, Jacky pulled away. She dried her tears, then walked back to her bike. She put on her helmet, somehow managing to stuff every last strand of hair into the black piece of hard plastic and foam, before closing the visor. She mounted the Harley, revved the engine, and with a final wave goodbye, she drove off, the U-Haul in tow. Joanna returned the wave, wiping the tears from her own eyes, watching her daughter go until she was out of sight. Her little girl was growing up.

* * *

It didn't take long for the young biker to reach the highway, accelerating to 60 mph. There wasn't much to see other than pine trees, the Columbia River, and open road and sky. After three hours and twenty minutes, she spotted the familiar billboard.  ** _"WELCOME TO GRAVITY FALLS! NOTHING TO SEE HERE, FOLKS!"_**  She couldn't help but chuckle as she slowed her speed down to twenty-five, making sure she wouldn't be caught speeding. As she passed the billboard, she spotted Sheriff Daryl Blubs and Deputy Edwin Durland, parked in their cruiser. Eager to see two familiar faces, she pulled over, removed her helmet, and walked right up to them.

"Hey, Sheriff, it's that girl that visits the town every summer from up north!" Durland said excitedly.  
"By Jove, you're right! It's Jacky!" The two officers got out of their car, all smiles and happy to see the law-abiding young lady. "Jacky! Back for another summer, are ya?"  
"Actually, I'm here to stay," the blond said with a bright smile. "Anything interesting happen while I was away?"  
"Well, not really," Durland said with a shrug. "Not much happens in Gravity Falls any time of year."  
"Well, here's to hoping my presence here will make life in Gravity Falls more interesting for everyone," Jacky said, heading back to her bike. "In a good way, of course. See ya around, Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland!"  
"Bye! Have a nice day!" The cops said, waving as she drove off. 

Three minutes later, and she was in town, driving to the apartment she'd rented. The landlord was waiting outside for her, and he smiled as she drove up. "A girl on a motorcycle, towing a U-Haul," he said, repeating the description she'd given him over the phone as she dismounted the bike and took off her helmet. "You sure weren't kidding. Well, here's the keys to the apartment, mailbox, and laundry room."  
"And here's my first month's rent," Jacky said, handing over a check for $30.00 as she took the keys. The man tipped his hat to her, then went back to the apartment complex's office. With that, Jacky unlocked the door to her new home and began to unpack.

_Time skip!_

By the time she was done, it was dinnertime. Since she hadn't brought any food with her, she went over to Greasy's Diner to eat. As soon as the bell to the front door rang, Lazy Suzan looked up to see who'd arrived. Her face lit up at the sight of the young woman. "Oh, my goodness! Jacky! You came back! How've you been?"  
"Pretty good, Lazy Suzan," Jacky replied, taking a seat. "How's business?"  
"Same old, same old," the older woman said with a shrug and a fond smile. Jacky had been one of her favorite customers ever since she started visiting the sleepy little town seven years ago. "So, what'll it be, sweetie?"

"The dinner special, (mashed potatoes, turkey gravy, three thick slices of turkey, and corn on the cob.) and a hot cup of herbal tea, if you please," Jacky replied.  
"You want dessert with that?" the elder asked.  
"Sure. I could go with something sweet after the ride over," Jacky agreed. "A slice of blueberry pie would be lovely."  
"Coming right up!" Within a few minutes, Jacky was digging into a hearty dinner when the front door opened again. Another familiar face came in. An older man, somewhere in his sixties or seventies, in a suit and fez came in. He had a rather bulbous nose and a five o'clock shadow, as well as a pair of glasses. Jacky smiled when she saw him.

"Evening, Mr. Pines," she called, causing him to glance at her in surprise, before grinning ear to ear.  
"Jacky! There's the little swindler!" He said, coming over to her table. "It's about time you came back. Hey, where's your mom?"  
"Back up north in Kennewick," Jacky replied. "I moved out today."  
"So it's just you this summer? Well, I guess every bird's gotta leave the nest eventually," Stan said with a shrug. "Is it alright if I sit down?"  
"Go right ahead," Jacky said, motioning for him to sit across from her. "So, how's business these days, Mr. Pines?"  
"Eh, it's usually pretty slow when you're not around," Stan replied. "I dunno how you do it, kid, but your imagination and sweet-talking skills make the difference during the summer."  
"Speaking of, would it be too much to ask for a summer job at the Mystery Shack?" Jacky asked. "I'm pretty sure I can help you triple your profits~!"  
"Ha! You got it, kiddo," Stan said. The thought of tripling the profits was too good to pass up. "You can swing by tomorrow and we'll talk business. Also, my niece and nephew are coming up from California to spend the summer. Do you think you could help out with keeping an eye on 'em?"  
"No problem, Mr. Pines," Jacky said as Lazy Suzan took her cleared dinner plate and replaced it with a slice of blueberry pie. "Thanks, Lazy Suzan. Anyway, Mr. Pines, you know I'm good with kids. It'll be a piece of cake. That way you still have time to focus on that  _project_ of yours." She winked twice, and Stan repeated the gesture. If there was one person he knew he could trust, it was Jacky.  
"Well, I'll see ya tomorrow, then," Stan said, tipping his fez to her as he stood to leave. "You have a good night, kiddo."  
"Same to you, Mr. Pines," Jacky replied. With that, she finished her pie and paid her bill, then hopped on her motorcycle and rode back to the apartment.

Unlocking the door, she yawned tiredly, heading straight to the fold-out bed. She quickly changed out of her day clothes and threw on a random nightgown, flopped down, and pulled the blanket up to her chin. In about seven minutes, she fell asleep.

* * *

  _(in the dreamscape...)_

 _Jacky opened her eyes to a familiar place in the woods. Her favorite clearing, where she always went when she needed some space to relax. She was well-aware that she was dreaming, and smiled when she saw what was waiting for her. A table was set with a pristine white cloth, and a teapot and two cups, two chairs, and a familiar face sat in the center. "Long time, no see, old friend," she said, her voice echoing slightly in her mindscape.  
__"Good to see you, too, Diamond," a certain Dorito-shaped dream demon replied. "I was almost starting to think you weren't coming back! What a let down that would've been!"  
__"Ah, come on~, Cipher, you know I'm not the type of girl to ditch her best friend," Jacky reasoned, sitting down to enjoy some tea. "So, did I miss anything important while I was up north?"  
__"No, but that's about to change by a full 180 degrees," Bill said matter-of-factly. "That project you and the fez guy are working on will be completed this summer, and when it is, you better expect something BIG! Things are gonna get weird, and fast."  
__"Just the way we like it," Jacky agreed, sipping daintily from her cup. "Mmm. Earl Grey from Twinings. You remembered!"_  
_"Well, duh! How could I forget my best friend's favorite brand of tea?" Bill then took out his old-timey pocket watch. "It seems we're gonna have to cut this tea party short, though. Your alarm clock is about to go off. See ya tomorrow night, Diamond!"_  
 _"Same to you, Bill!"_

* * *

(and back to reality!)

Jacky sat up on her fold-out bed with a smile. It was good to see her oldest friend again. She turned off her alarm clock, then took care of her morning routine: shower, get dressed, eat breakfast. The last part once again took place at Greasy's Diner.  _'Thank GOD they're open for breakfast!'_ Jacky thought, ordering a coffee-omelet and a double-shot of Earl Grey. After scarfing everything down and quickly making a grocery run, she rode to the Mystery Shack, arriving just in time to see a couple of kids come out the front door.

"Whoa, cool motorcycle," the boy said, watching as Jacky parked her bike and took off her helmet.

"Forget the bike, your hair is awesome!" the girl in the shooting star sweater said, eyes wide with admiration.

"Thanks, kids," Jacky said. "Either of you know where Mr. Pines is at? I'm here for a summer job."

"Oh, he's inside," The girl answered, and Jacky noticed she was wearing braces. They looked quite alike, and Jacky realized they must be twins!  _CUTE!!_ "I'm Mabel, and this is my brother, Dipper. Who're you?"

"Name's Jacky Anderson. Are you Mr. Pines's niece and nephew?" Jacky asked. "He mentioned that part of my job would involve helping him keep an eye on you two."

"Yep, that's us!" Mabel said with a smile. "C'mon, We'll take you to see Grunkle Stan!" With that, Jacky's hand was seized by two smaller ones, and the twins led her inside. This summer was going to be interesting. That much, she was sure of.

 


	2. Tourist Trapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Episode 1, "Tourist Trapped," begins!

"So, tell me about yourselves, kids," Jacky said as she, Mabel, and Dipper sat down to get acquainted.  
"Our parents shipped up up here from California to spend the summer with our great uncle," Dipper explained. "Mabel's been able to look on the bright side so far, but I'm having trouble adjusting to our new surroundings. Every time I go into the forest, I feel like I'm being watched."  
"Dipper is super paranoid," Mabel giggled.

"You'll get used to this place, Dipper," Jacky said honestly. "As for the feeling of being watched, you're not crazy. The creatures that call the forests of Gravity Falls their home are quite watchful, and I'm not talking about the little woodland critters like squirrels, bunnies, or Bambi's relatives. There's a lot more to this little town than meets the eye, but most people don't believe in a lot of it."

"Wait, are you saying you know what's watching me?" Dipper asked.

"The exact 'what,' no," Jacky replied. "But I have several theories. I'll show ya what I mean the next time we go into the forest. Now Mabel, would I be correct in guessing you're in your boy-crazy phase?"

"Yes, exactly!" Mabel exclaimed happily. "How did you know?"

"I was twelve once, too, ya know," Jacky pointed out. "I went through my boy-crazy phase when I was your age. You have no idea how glad I am that that stage of my life is over."

"You mean, you never got to have an epic summer romance?" Mabel asked, looking somewhere between devastated and horrified.

"With the idiot males of my generation? Please, I'd rather be dead." Jacky said bitterly. "For every decent male, there's at least 40 more who just want to use a girl, mess with her heart, and then laugh in her face when she realizes they don't really love her. Though, I have to admit. I have met a guy I actually like, but we're in a bit of a long distance relationship right now. You'll meet him eventually, I'm sure.

At that point, Stan came into the room. "Ah, Jacky, there you are!" he said with a smile. "So, as far as what I'll need you to do around here: I'll need you to help me look after my niece and nephew here, as well as lead tours from time to time. I'll pay ya $12.00 an hour, plus 5 more for every hour you have to look after the kids. What do ya say?"

"Works for me, Mr. Pines," Jacky said, shaking the old man's hand.

"Wait, you hired Jacky to be our babysitter?" Dipper asked.

"Ah, don't think of it like that," Jacky said. "Think of it more as hired muscle. Ya never know when you're gonna need the help of a biker chick who's good with 70'' long chain-ropes and brass knuckles."

"Ah haha! That's Jacky for ya," Stan agreed. "Tough as nails, but great with kids. You three are gonna get along great. Trust me!"

* * *

And so, Jacky became part of the Mystery Shack crew. Mabel and Dipper were surprised to see that Wendy and Soos already knew her and quickly accepted her. She had some pretty great ideas for some new attractions: "Rare Metal-Girl" involved painting herself entirely gold or silver and posing like a Medusa victim. Mabel even joined in, occasionally posing as a girl made of glitter and sequins. Stan would charge a good $80.00 for the tourists to have their pictures taken with them, and boy, were they falling for it! "I gotta hand it to ya, Jacky, you're a genius." the old man admitted.

"Well, obviously," Jacky said. "I'm the pinnacle of human evolution: Brains, Brawn, and Beauty all rolled into one!"

"Well, here's your cut of the photo money," Stan said, handing her $160.00. "You earned it, kiddo."

"Thanks, Mr. Pines," Jacky said, pocketing it. "I'll see ya tomorrow! Mabel, Dipper, I'll catch ya later. And remember: REALITYISANILLUSION! THEUNIVERSEISAHOLOGRAM! BUYGOLD! BYYYYYEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Well, I understood none of that," Stan said, leaving the room.

"It sounded like she said 'reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold.'" Dipper translated, thoroughly confused.

"Look on the bright side, Dipper," Mabel said cheerfully. "Now we have a friend who can drive us around on a motorcycle! This could be an adventure waiting to happen! And considering she seems to understand the inner workings of the male mind, she could give me some great tips on how to navigate an epic summer romance!"

Dipper could only roll his eyes. His sister's obsession with an epic summer romance was getting annoying.

* * *

_(Dreamscape...)_

_"So, how was your day?" Bill asked, sitting at the table in the clearing of Jacky's mindscape. "As if I needed to ask! Fez-guy gave ya a job, and you've met Pinetree and Shooting Star. And you already know Ice, Question Mark, Stitched-Up Heart, and Spectacles from your previous summers here. Now we just need Star and Sixer, and you'll have met every member of the Prophecy."_

_"Yes, yes, I know," Jacky said with a roll of her eyes. "You don't need to remind me. 'Find the Ten, get them to side with you, take over the world, and then you and I live happily ever after, with three kids, one of the weird animals from this town as our pet, and everyone who ever treated me like being weird was a bad thing will be our sniveling slaves."_

_"Exactly! See? This is why I like you more than the other fleshbags. You're all for world domination! That, and you're not an idiot." Bill said, before sipping some tea he'd conjured up._

_"Flattery still won't get you anywhere with me, Bill," Jacky said, sipping her own tea. "Didn't I tell you that back when I was 12?"_

_"Yeah, but it's the thought that counts, right?" Bill said with a shrug. "Besides, it's not flattery if I actually mean it."_

_Jacky just shrugged and sipped her tea. It was Vanilla Chai this time. "So, how's that human form you promised coming?" she asked._

_"You be the judge," Bill said, morphing into a young man about a year older than her with blond hair, black bangs, and a black-and-yellow tux. He had lightly tanned skin, and his left eye was blue while the right was gold, with the face of a hot Anime guy. The top hat and bow-tie were still present. Overall, he was pretty hot. "I heard that, and thank you! This is just the desired form, though. I still have to make a deal with some idiot fleshbag and have them help me create it. Till then, you can only enjoy it in your head." At that point, Bill realized his girlfriend was ogling him. "Are you undressing me with your eyes?" He asked. "You're totally undressing me with your eyes, aren't you?! Seriously, Diamond, you can do that as much as you like once I actually have a physical form! Can we NOT make your mind dirtier than it already is? Please? Have you any idea how much SebasCiel dirt I had to sweep out the last time I was over here?"_

_"Hey, that was perfectly good yaoi smut!" Jacky protested. "What? Were you jealous that I'd read about another hot demon and an adorable human?"_

_"You just admitted you think he's hot!" Bill exclaimed. "Please tell me you're not... doing that... to images of them?!"_

_"Of course not!" Jacky said, waving it off like it was nothing. "I just find it entertaining. Besides, it's not like we can do that yet, and I want to have a basic idea of what to expect."_

_"And reading yaoi helps?"_

_"Can we just shut up about this?" Jacky asked. She didn't like where this was headed, and despite Bill being who knows how old, he could be a bit insecure at times. Especially when it involved Anime males. "Look. Just because I think he's good-looking doesn't mean I like him better than you. Just the opposite. While both of you are wonderful specimens of manhood, Sebastian is fictional, therefore even if I wanted to date him, I couldn't. You, however, are the real deal."_

_"Darn right I am," Bill agreed, starting to feel better._

_"Yup, and this summer, we'll be getting you your own body," Jacky continued. "Then we'll be able to date outside the Mindscape! We'll be able to do so much, it'll make your head spin, and every other REAL demon will be so jealous, they'll probably want to kill us."_

_"Exactly!" Bill perked up. "I can see it now: you and me, out on the town, fleshbags envying us on all sides, right before they start groveling on their knees when we take over the world!"_

_"Exactly my point. You and I are going places. And if it really makes you that uncomfortable, you could just destroy my memories of ever reading it," Jacky suggested. "After all, I now have something much better to replace it all with."_

_An image of herself and Bill in a bed popped up, and Bill blushed. "I get your point, but I'll let you keep it," Bill said, calming down. "If it's helping you mentally prepare for that, I'm alright with it. Just maybe imagine that Sebastian's me and you're the human brat."_

_Jacky thought about that for a moment. "You would look good in a butler suit, and I do love Victorian fashion..." she admitted._

_"Great, now, you're about to wake up, and I can tell you right now, you've got an exciting day ahead of you."_

_"Sounds fun and dangerous," Jacky said eagerly. "I'll see ya tomorrow, love,"_

_"You too, Diamond," Bill said, hugging her. "See ya."_

* * *

(real world...)

"Do you like me?" a boy in the Mystery Shack souvenir shop read aloud from a piece of paper as Jacky came into work that morning. "Yes? Definitely? Absolutely?"

"I rigged it!" Mabel whispered from behind a shelf.

"Uh, Mabel? I know you're going through your whole 'boy-crazy' phase, but I think you're overdoing it on the crazy part." Dipper said as he cleaned a jar of eyeballs with a rag and a spray bottle.

"WHAT?! PFFFT!" Mabel said in disbelief. "Come  _on,_ Dipper! This is our first summer away from home! It's my big chance to have an epic summer romance!"

"Yeah, but do you need to flirt with every guy you meet?" her twin asked.

 _Oh, yeah, that'd been weird,_ Jacky thought to herself, remembering just the other day. Mabel had scared the crap out of three random boys (one had been a teenager) with her crazy flirting. Jacky honestly couldn't remember ever flirting with a male after she and Bill made their deal, but that was another story...

"Mock all you want brother, but I have a good feeling about this summer. I wouldn't be surprised if the man of my dreams walked through that door right now." Mabel said, thumbing at the door to go on the tours.

Quite anti-climatically, it was Stan who walked through. He was  _quite_ dreamy, burps and all. Note the sarcasm. "Oh, oh, not good, ow," he said, holding his stomach.

"Ohh, why?!" Mabel groaned as both Jacky and Dipper chuckled.

"Alright, alright, look alive, people," Stan said, holding up one hand to get their attention while the other held onto some signs and a can of Pitt Cola. "I need someone to go hammer up these signs in the spooky part of the forest.

"Not it!" Dipper said quickly, with Mabel echoing him less than a second later.

"Uh, also not it," Soos said from behind them where he was fixing a shelf with a power drill.

"Nobody asked you, Soos," Stan said bluntly.

"I know, and I'm comfortable with that," Soos said, before taking a bite out of a chocolate bar.

Stan then turned to Wendy, at the other end of the shop. "Wendy, I need you to put up this sign!"

"I would, but I - ugh - can't - um - reach it - uhh..." Wendy said, not even bothering to get up and come get the signs.

"I'd fire all of you if I could," Stan said, clearly not happy with his hired hands. "Alright, let's make it eenie, meenie, miney, you two." He pointed at Jacky and Dipper.

"Oh, what?" the kid immediately complained. "Grunkle Stan, whenever I'm in those woods, I feel like I'm being watched. Jacky's even confirmed it!"

"Ah, this again!" Stan said. Had he heard what she'd told Dipper the other day?

"I'm telling you, something weird is going on in this town," Dipper insisted. "Just today, my mosquito bites spelled out 'BEWARE!'" He rolled up his sleeve to show him, and Stan peered at them before saying, "That spells 'BEWARB.'" Indeed, it only took two more little bites to turn an E into a B.

"Look, kid, the whole 'monsters in the forest' is just local legend, drummed up by guys like me to sell merch to guys like that." Stan then pointed to a chubby, clearly mentally impaired man who was laughing stupidly at a Mr. Mystery bobblehead. He tossed the signs to Dipper and said, "So quit being so paranoid. And Jacky, stop scaring my nephew."

"I didn't say it to scare him, I said it because it's true," Jacky said, taking a few signs and leading Dipper out the door into the spooky part of the forest.

* * *

(in the spooky part of the forest...)

"Why does nobody ever believe anything I say?" Dipper asked.

"Simple, it's because you're still a kid," the blond explained as they nailed up the signs to the trees. "Adults tend to think that when someone, especially kids, wants attention, they cry wolf, but I believe you, Dipper. I've been coming here every summer since I was your age, and even a blind person could see this place is off. Now, we're here. Hand me that hammer."

"Okay...?" Dipper said hesitantly as he handed it to her. "Where's here, exactly?"

"Remember when I said yesterday there's something I needed to show ya the next time we went into the forest?" Jacky asked, walking over to a seemingly ordinary tree and striking it with the hammer, a hollow  _CLANG_ resonating from inside. "This is it." She then opened a hatch in the fake tree, revealing an old-looking switch-board with two switches. Flicking the second one caused a second compartment to open in the ground a few feet away.

"What the...?" Dipper said in confusion, approaching the compartment. Inside was a book covered in dust and cobwebs. He took it out and blew/wiped off the thick layer of dust. On the front cover was a golden, six-fingered hand with a number 3 on it, and attached to the bookmark ribbon was a monocle. He opened it to the front page, and on the inside of the cover, the words "Property of--" were written, the rest seemingly torn off. Turning to the next page, he began to read. "'June 18th. It's hard to believe it's been six years since I began to uncover the strange and wondrous secrets of Gravity Falls, Oregon.' What it all this? 'Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed: I'm being watched. I must hide this book before He finds it. Remember, in Gravity Falls, there's no one you can trust.'" The words " **TRUST NO ONE!!** " were written just below.

"You wanted to know what's watching you in the forest?" Jacky reminded him with a smirk. "Your answers are in there. I read it back when I was your age, and when I'd had it memorized, I hid it again, and it's stayed here ever since, until now."

"But why are you showing it to me?" Dipper asked.

"Because 'in Gravity Falls, there's no one you can trust.'" the teenager quoted. "Neither you, nor Mabel are from the Falls, and neither am I, so we can trust each other. Stan would never take this stuff seriously, and if he did, he'd just want to use them as attractions. You want answers, and this book has them. Use it wisely, Dipper, because if it falls into the wrong hands, who knows what chaos might befall this town?"

"HELLO!!"

"AAGH!" Dipper screamed, nearly dropping the Journal.

"What're ya reading? Some nerd thing?" his excitable twin asked.

"Uh, uh, it's nothing!" Dipper said quickly.

"'Uh, uh it's nothing!' Come on, are you really not gonna show me?" Mabel asked, after imitating her twin.

Dipper glanced back at Jacky, who nodded calmly. "Uh... let's go somewhere private."

* * *

(Back at the Mystery Shack...)

"It's amazing!" Dipper exclaimed as he explained the Journal to his twin. "Grunkle Stan said I was being paranoid, but according to this book - and Jacky - Gravity Falls has this secret dark side."

"WHOA! Shut! Up!" Mabel said, lightly bopping the journal away.

"And get this: after a certain point, the pages just stop, like the guy who was writing it just mysteriously disappeared.

 _Mysteriously, indeed,_ Jacky thought, chuckling to herself. At that point, the doorbell rang.

"Who's that?" the brunette male asked.

"Well, time to spill the beans!" Mabel announced, knocking over a can of beans that she'd probably placed as a prop. "Boop. Beans! this girl's got a date! Whoop-whoop!" she said before falling back into the chair, laughing to herself.

"Let me get this straight, in the half-hour Jacky and I were gone, you've already found a boyfriend?" Dipper asked in disbelief.

"What can I say?" his twin asked as she sat back up. "I guess I'm just _**irresistible**_ ** _!"_**  The doorbell rang a couple more times. "Oh! Coming!" the girl called, running to get the door. As she left, Jacky and Dipper sat down to read the Journal, and a moment later, Stan came in.

"Whatcha reading there, slick?" the old con-man asked.

"Oh!" Dipper gasped as he scrambled to hide the precious book and find something else to read. "I was just catching up on... Gold Chains For Old Men Magazine?"

"That's a good issue," Stan said approvingly as Jacky rolled her eyes in amusement.

"Heeeey, family, and Jacky!" Mabel called as she brought in a guy in a ratty hoodie.  _Have I seen this guy before? He seems familiar..._ the blond wondered. "Say hello to my new boyfriend!" The guy turned around, revealing a pallid face and one visible eye. It all came back to Jacky.  _Ohhh, crap-cakes. Here we go again._

"'Sup?" the presumed teen said with a grin.

"Hey..." Dipper replied.

"How's it hanging?" Stan asked.

Jacky just hissed her displeasure.

"We met at the cemetery. He's  _really_ deep. Ooh, a little muscle there!" Mabel said in surprise. "What a - what a surprise!"

"So... what's your name?" Dipper asked.

"Uhh... Normal... Man." The teen groaned out.

"He means Norman." Mable corrected.

"Are you bleeding, Norman?" Jacky asked. Indeed, there was some red stuff dripping off the side of his face.

"It's jam." the guy said, glancing at his cheek.

Mabel gasped. "I love jam!" she exclaimed, playfully shoving him. "Look at this!"

"Well, 'Norman,'" Jacky said, sauntering forward with a devious grin on her face. "As a good friend of Mabel's I'm going to give you a word of friendly advice, seeing as you're her new boyfriend. You had better not do anything to upset her, because if you do, I will personally tear you limb from limb and drag your carrcus across the country from the back of my motorcycle. Why? Because I care about Mabel's feelings. She's like the little sister I never had. Have I made myself clear?" Norman could only gulp and nod nervously. "On your way then, 'Norman.'"

"So, you wanna go hold hands, or... whatever?" the teen asked Mabel.

"Oh! Oh, my goodness!" Mabel said giddily. "Don't wait up!" she told the others before running out of the house. Norman did the finger gun thing before clumsily following her.

"Is it me, or is there something off about Norman?" Dipper asked the blond.

"Yup. Grab a camcorder and follow me. It's investigating time." Jacky said decisively. After consulting the Journal, they came to the conclusion that Norman was a zombie. And when they looked out the window, it seemed Norman was about to attack Mabel... until it turned out he'd just given her a lei made from daisies.

"Is my sister really dating a zombie, or am I just going nuts?" Dipper asked, while Jacky glared at Norman through the attic window.

"It's a dilemma to be sure," Soos said out of nowhere. "I couldn't help but overhear you questioning Jacky about your sanity in this otherwise empty room."

"Soos, you've seen Mabel's boyfriend," Dipper said. "He's gotta be a zombie, right?"

"Hmm. How many brains did you see the guy eat?" the heavyset handyman asked.

"... Zero..." Dipper admitted.

"Zippo," Jacky added.

"Look, dudes, I believe you," Soos assured him. "I'm always noticing weird stuff in this town, like the mailman. Pretty sure that dude's a werewolf." Jacky couldn't help but nod. That guy was fucking hairy! "But you gotta have proof, otherwise people are gonna think you're a major-league cuckoo-clock."

"As always, Soos, you're right," Dipper admitted.

"My wisdom is both a blessing, and a curse." Soos agreed.

"SOOS! THE PORTABLE TOILETS ARE CLOGGED AGAIN!!" Stan shouted from somewhere in the Shack.

"I am needed elsewhere." the handyman said before walking backward out of the room.

"Time to get that proof," Jacky said, holding up a video camera, a grin on her face. Dipper smiled and nodded, and thus they began  ~~stalking~~ observing Norman's and Mabel's interactions until they decided they'd seen enough.

At last, Dipper and Jacky confronted Mabel. "Mabel, we've gotta talk about Norman."

"Isn't he the best?" Mabel asked. "Check out this giant smooch-mark he gave me!" She turned her head and showed them a big round red mark the size of a baseball on her cheek.

"WAAH!" Dipper screamed, horrified.

"WHERE IS THAT PATHETIC LOWLIFE?!" Jacky snarled, sounding slightly not-human.

"Ha Ha! Gullible!" Mabel laughed. "It was just an accident with a leaf-blower. That was fun."

"No, Mabel, listen, we're trying to tell you that Norman is not what he seems!" Dipper said, pulling the Journal out of his vest.

Mabel gasped. "You think he might be a vampire? That would be so awesome!"

"Guess again sister. Shabang!" Dipper said, opening to the page on Gnomes, causing Mabel to scream in confusion and Jacky to quirk an eyebrow. "Oh, wait. I'm sorry," Dipper said, flipping to the right page. "Shabam!"

"A Zombie? That is not funny, Dipper and Jacky!" Mabel said in disbelief.

"We're not joking, it all adds up!" Dipper insisted. "The bleeding, the limp... he never blinks! Have you noticed that?!"

"Maybe he's just blinking when you're blinking?" Mabel guessed.

"There are no such coincidences," Jacky argued with an eye-roll.

"Mabel, remember what the book says? Trust No One!" Dipper insisted.

"Well, what about me, huh? Why can't you trust me?" his twin asked, before putting on some star earrings with a "Beep-Bop!"

"Mabel, he's gonna eat your brain!" Dipper insisted.

"Dipper. Listen to me: Norman and I are going on a date at five o'clock, and I'm gonna be adorable," Mabel said, backing him and Jacky out of the room. "And he's gonna be dreamy, and I'm not gonna let you ruin it with one of your crazy conspiracies!" With that, the door was slammed in their faces.

"Huuh, what am I gonna do?" Dipper asked Jacky, looking lost and worried.

"We'll keep an eye on them, that's what we're gonna do," Jacky told him. "Like I said earlier, Mabel's like the little sister I've never had, and if he tries ANYTHING, I'll rip him limb from limb and drag his carrcus across the country by my motorcycle! Also, Stan gave me a box of dynamite that we can use on him!"

"I'm starting to question  _your_ sanity now," Dipper said nervously.

"Meh, I'm used to it!" Jacky said with a shrug and a smile.

* * *

(Five o'clock...)

_DING-DONG!_

"Coming!" Mabel called, pulling on a sparkly sweater as she dashed down the stairs, opening the front door with a smile. "Hey, Norman, how do I look?" Her sweater had a cat face on it, and said: "MEOW, WOW!"

"Shiny!" Norman groaned out.

"You always know what to say!" Mabel said as she took his hand and he led her out into the woods, leaving Dipper and Jacky to go over what they'd recorded.

"Soos is right, I don't have any real evidence," Dipper said as they watched Norman fall down while trying to play hopscotch. "I guess I can be kinda paranoid sometimes and-"

"Wait, rewind that!" Jacky exclaimed suddenly. Dipper rewound the tape, and they saw Norman's right hand fall off, only for him to reach around Mabel and put it back in place.

"AAAH!" Dipper screamed, causing the armchair to fall back. "We were right! Omigosh! Omigosh! We've gotta save my sister!"

"To the Jacky-Mobile!" the teenager said, holding up the key to her Harley. They quickly ran outside to where Jacky had parked, and she handed Dipper a pair of goggles so he wouldn't get grit in his eyes. But before they left, they were stopped by everyone's favorite handyman.

"Dudes, it's me, Soos," He said, handing Jacky a shovel. "This is for the Zombies."

"Thanks," she said, tossing it in the side-car while Dipper sat behind her.

"And this is in case you see a pinata," He said to Dipper, handing him a baseball bat.

"Uh, thanks?"

"Better safe than sorry!" Soos called after them as they motored outta there and into the forest.

 

"Don't worry, Mabel, we'll save you from that zombie!" Dipper yelled at the top of his lungs as Jacky drove them over a hill and into the air, landing easily. 

"HELP!!" Mabel's voice screamed.

"Hold on!" Jacky called, even though her voice was muffled by her helmet. They drove deeper into the forest, until they came upon a group of little people surrounding Mabel.

"The more you struggle, the more awkward this is gonna be for everybody!" their leader said, and Jacky recognized the voice with a growl.  _Why didn't I realize it was him?!_ "Just, okay, just get her arm there, Steve!"

"What the heck is going on here?" Dipper demanded as he took off his goggles and Jacky took off her helmet.

"Ugh, these guys. I got this," Jacky groaned.

"Guys! Norman turned out to be a bunch of Gnomes, and they're total jerks!" Mabel explained, pulling punches left and right until one grabbed her hair. "Ah! Hair! Hair!"

While Dipper quickly read up on Gnomes, Jacky marched toward the Gnome's leader. "Jeff! What the Hell do you think you're doing! Let her go this instant!"

"Oh, uh, hey Jacky!" Jeff the Gnome said awkwardly. "Long time, no see! This is all just a big misunderstanding. Mabel's not in any danger! She's just marrying all 1,000 of us and becoming our Gnome Queen for all eternity. Isn't that right, honey?"

"You guys are butt-faces!" Mabel retorted, causing one of them to cover her mouth.

"Jeff, we talked about this when you tried to make me your queen, five years ago," Jacky said, crouching down to his level. "You can't just keep kidnapping girls just because you need a queen. Mabel's only 12, she's a minor! You can't legally marry her, not even by Gnome laws. And besides, she's under my protection. Let her go right now, or else."

"You think you can stop us, Jacky?" Jeff asked. "You have no idea what we're capable of. The Gnomes are a powerful race. Do not trifle with the-AH!" It ended like that because Jacky hit him over the head with the shovel. She and Dipper ran past him with their weapons and freed Mabel, then hopped back on the Harley, Mabel riding in the sidecar.

"They're getting away with our queen! No, no, no NOO!!"

"Goggles!" Jacky said, tossing them the eyewear as she put on her helmet, then drove off with them.

"Hurry, before they come after us!" Mabel said urgently.

"I wouldn't worry about it," Dipper said. "You see their little legs? Those suckers are tiny."

"Don't underestimate them," Jacky growled as the ground began to shake. the kids looked back to see the Gnomes had stacked themselves into a giant-sized Gnome, and it was running, gaining on them. "Dipper, take the handlebars! I've got this!" the teen ordered, changing places with him. She opened up the saddlebags on her bike, revealing several dozen sticks of dynamite! The Gnomes tried to smash them, but Jacky was quick to act, throwing a lit stick at them, blasting several away. The Mega-Gnome hurled several snarling little guys at the bike, which Mable, Dipper, and Jacky were quick to get rid of, though Dipper lost his hat in the process. A tree was uprooted and thrown in their path, which they narrowly dodged, causing them to skid the final stretch back to the Mystery Shack and crash. They were bruised, but not too badly hurt. Jacky stood protectively in front of the twins, glaring at Jeff and his buddies through the visor of her helmet. The Gnomes towered over them, menacing and terrifying.

"Where's Grunkle Stan?" Dipper asked, wondering why their great Uncle wasn't out there to protect them.

"It's the end of the line, kids!" Jeff called down. "Mabel, marry us before we do something crazy!"

"There's gotta be a way out of this!" Dipper hissed, about to check the Journal. But Mabel's gaze became determined, and she stepped forward. "I gotta do it."

"What, Mabel, don't do it! Are you crazy?!" Dipper asked, not believing what he was hearing.

"Trust me." his twin whispered.

"What?!"

"Dipper, just this once, trust me!" Mabel whispered. Dipper looked from Mabel to Jacky, who nodded with a stern look on her face. 'TRUST HER!' she mouthed. With that, Dipper backed away, as did Jacky. "Okay, Jeff, I'll marry you."

"Hot dog!" the Gnome said, causing the Mega-Gnome to slap it's knee, creating a  _THUD!_ when it set its foot back down. Jeff then climbed down and presented a kneeling Mabel with a lovely ring and slid it on her ring finger. "Badda Bing, Badda Bam, now let's get back into the forest, honey!"

"You may now kiss the bride!" Mabel said, seemingly happily.

"Well, don't mind if I do!" Jeff said, making a kissy-face. Mabel leaned in, then leaned back, grabbed the leaf blower, and turned it on to "SUCK!" The Gnomes - and Dipper - were startled to see Jeff slowly get sucked in, while Jacky smirked. She'd had an idea that Mabel had a plan all along! "Hey, wait a minute? What's going on?!"

"That's for lying to me!" Mabel said as he got sucked in. "That's for breaking my heart!"

"AH! MY FACE!" Jeff screamed over the sound of the leaf blower.

"And this is for messing with my brother and new gal-pal!" Mabel said as Dipper and Jacky came up behind her, ready to blast the Gnomes. "You wanna do the honors?"

"On three! ONE, TWO, THREE!" the setting was switched to "BLOW" and Jeff shot out of the leaf-blower, smashing into his buddies like a cannonball and into the sky, scattering the.

"I'LL GET YOU BACK FOR THIS!!!!" 

As the Gnomes fell, they were uncertain what to do now. "Who's giving orders? I need orders!" one said.

"My arms are tired..." an older one said, before Mabel waved the leaf-blower at them, making them run away.

"Anyone else want some?" Dipper asked as Jacky lashed the stragglers with her chain-rope, scaring them off. One got caught in a six-pack ring, and was carried off screaming by the goat.

 

"Hey, Dipper, Jacky?" Mabel called as the three of them headed to the porch. "I, uh, I'm sorry for ignoring your advice. You guys really were just looking out for me."

"Aw, don't be like that," Dipper said, brushing it off. "You saved our butts back there!"

"I guess I'm just sad that my first boyfriend turned out to be a bunch of Gnomes."

"Welcome to my world, Mabes," Jacky said, giving her a comforting pat on the shoulder. "Welcome to my world."

"Look on the bright side," Dipper suggested. "Maybe the next one  _will_ be a vampire!"

"Aww, you're just saying that!" Mabel chuckled, playfully punching his shoulder.

"Awkward sibling hug?" Dipper asked, holding out his arms.

"Awkward sibling hug!" his twin agreed, hugging him.

"Pat, pat," the said in unison, patting each other awkwardly on the back when they were done.

Jacky smiled, then stooped down to hug them both. "Crushing new friends hug!"

"Crushing new friends hug!!" the twins agreed happily, hugging her back as hard as they could before she set them down and followed them into the Shack.

* * *

(in the Gift Shop...)

 _DING-DING-DING! DING-DING-DING! DING-DING-DING!_ the door chime rang as the three of them entered, their hair littered with leaves.

"Yeesh," Mr. Pines said from behind the counter where he was counting the day's profits. "You three get hit by a bus or something?" He slapped the counter and laughed at his own joke. The three of them just walked away, unamused. "Uh, hey!" he called, getting their attention. "Wouldn't you know it, I accidentally overstocked some inventory, so how's about you three each take one item from the Gift Shop, on the house, you know?"

"Really?" Mabel asked eagerly. "What's the catch?" Dipper asked, crossing his arms suspiciously, while Jacky just stared in surprise with one eyebrow nearly in her hairline - not that anyone could tell with her thick fringe.

"The catch it, do it before I change my mind, now take something," Stan said simply. With that, Mabel and Dipper eagerly darted around, while Jacky searched more carefully. Dipper chose a trucker hat with a blue pine tree on the front. Mabel found a grappling hook, and Jacky found a belt with a Diamond-shaped buckle that looked really out of place in the Mystery Shack. "Oh, and Jacky? Here's your pay for watching the kids." He held out a wad of money, but the look on his face said he expected the full story later. "You kids get to bed, Jacky and I'll tidy up."

"See ya later, Jacky!" Dipper said, waving goodbye. "Night, Jacky! I'll have a sweater made for you by tomorrow!"

"Night, kids, and thank you, Mabel!" Jacky waved back as they went up to their rooms. Then she glanced at Stan. "Norman was a bunch of Gnomes, and they tried to take Mabel hostage and make her their Queen. Dipper and I freed her and defeated them, but their leader vowed revenge. I'll see about inventing some Gnome repellant."

"Well, as long as they're safe," Stan said, pocketing the rest of the profits. "You look like they gave you a rough time. You gonna be up to working on  _the project_  some more tonight?"

"Not tonight, Mr. Pines," the teen replied around a yawn. "I just wanna get some pizza in my stomach, then hit the hay. Does tomorrow night work?"

"Fine by me, as long as it gets done," Stan agreed. "Now get yourself home. You look about ready to drop dead where you stand."

"Okay, Mr. Pines," Jacky said, grabbing her jacket. "See ya tomorrow." 

And Jacky did exactly what she said she was gonna do. She microwaved a frozen Digorno four-cheese pizza and ate it, then changed and crashed for the night. For once, Bill just let her sleep.


	3. Legend of the Gobblewonker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can guess by the title, right? Yes? Good!

(The next day...)

Jacky heard her phone playing Soos's custom ringtone,  _Straight Blanchin'_  by Lil' Big Dawg. That was all she needed to know something cool was going on. Immediately she pressed "Answer and held the phone to her ear. "Soos, what's up?" she asked.

"Right, so this old hillbilly guy just saw a monster in the lake," Soos began to explain. "Me, Mable-dawg, and Dipper are gonna check it out after we pick up some sunscreen, and we wanted to know if you wanna come along, since you're, like, the huge paranormal buff?"

"I'll be there in ten minutes," Jacky said, immediately shutting off the TV, dashing out the door, locking it, and hopping on her motorcycle. "Don't start without me!"

"She's in, dawgs!" she heard Soos tell the kids, followed by a joyous "YAAAAAY!!!" from Mabel and Dipper. "Okay, we'll be at the lake again by then with sunscreen. Catch Ya later, Jacky!"

"Ditto!" With that, she hung up, put on her helmet, and rode like the wind to the lake. She got here faster after convincing the sheriff to escort her, saying it'd make them all look super-important. They fell for it like nothing, and she ended up being there in five.

 

(after Mabel, Dipper, and Soos came back with sunscreen...)

"Alright, if we wanna win this contest, we gotta do it right," Dipper said, pacing the deck. "Think, what's the number 1 problem with most monster hunts?"

"If you're a side character, you die in the first five minutes of the movie," Soos pointed out, before looking paranoid. "Dude, am  _I_ a side character?! Do you ever think about stuff like that?!"

"No, no, no, camera trouble!" Dipper corrected. "Say Bigfoot shows up. Soos, be Bigfoot." Soos then struck a stereotypical Bigfoot pose.  _Damn, he just needs fur, and he'd BE Bigfoot!_ Jacky thought, chuckling inwardly. "There he is! Bigfoot!" Dipper acted out. "Uh-oh, no camera! Ah, wait, here's one! Oh, no film! You see? You see what I'm doing here?"

His companions nodded. "Dude's got a point," Soos agreed.

"That's why I bought SEVENTEEN disposable cameras!" Dipper said, holding a sack in his arm. "Two on my ankle, three in my jacket, four for Mabel and Soos, three in this bag for Jacky, and one under my hat. There's no way we're gonna miss this. Okay, everybody, let's test our cameras out!"

Soos tried to snap a photo, but he's had it aimed at his face, and the flash startled him enough to make him toss the camera! "AH! DUDE!" he screamed as it fell into the lake.

"You see? This is exactly why you need backup cameras!" Dipper explained. "We still have 16."

"Way to use your brain and think ahead, Dipper!" Jacky said, playfully ruffling his hair.

Just then a gull swooped down at Mabel's head, making her duck quickly. "Ah! Bird!" she yelled, whipping a camera at it like a rock. It also went into the lake.

"15," Dipper said with a nervous chuckle. "Okay, guys, I repeat, don't lose your cameras."

"Wait, lose the cameras?" Soos asked, mishearing him.

"DON'T!" Dipper and Jacky corrected.

"Dude, I just threw two away." the handyman told them, pointing to two cameras floating in the water.

"Thirteen! Alright! We still have thirteen camera-" he brought his fist down and a  _crunch_ was heard. There went that camera. "Twelve. We have twelve cameras."

"So, what's the plan?" Mabel asked. "Throw more cameras overboard, or what?"

"NO! No," Dipper said, getting Mabel to stop throwing out the cameras. "Alright, you be the lookout, Soos can work the steering wheel, Jacky can handle the navigation, and I'll be captain."

"What? Why do you getta be captain?" Mabel asked. "What about Mabel? Mabel! Mabel! Mabel! Mabel!"

"I'm not so sure that's a good idea," Dipper said doubtfully.

"I second that." Jacky agreed.

"What about co-captain?" Mabel asked.

"There's no such thing at co-captain." Dipper pointed out.

"I think she means first-mate," Jacky said thoughtfully.

"Oh, whoops!" Mabel said, throwing a camera overboard. Now they only had eleven.

"OKAY! Fine! You can be co-captain." Dipper said to to pacify her.

"First mate." Jacky corrected.

"Can I be associate co-captain?" Soos asked as he walked over.

"As co-captain, I aprove that request!" Mabel said happily.

"Well, as first co-captain, our number one order of business is to lure the monster out with this," Dipper said, gesturing to a huge barrel of fish food next to Soos.

"Permission to taste some?" the handy man asked.

"Granted." Dipper said.

"Permission co-granted," Mabel added.

"Permission associate co-granted," Soos said, reaching for a flake.

"Oh, I am soo~ filming this!" Jacky said, taking out her phone and activating the camcorder. Soos brought one of the flakes to his mouth and licked it. For a moment, his face went blank, then  he spat out what had stuck to his tongue, gagging and coughing with a look of pure disgust and horror, making his friends laugh at the display.

"Ugh, ugh." Soos said, putting his tongue back in his mouth as Jacky stopped filming. "Dude, I dunno what I expected that to taste like."

"Oh, Soos," Dipper sighed as he and his twin calmed down. It was harder for Jacky to stop laughing, and she now flopped down, laughing so hard she couldn't make a sound.

* * *

(In the dense fog surrounding Scuttlebutt Island...)

Soos manned the wheel while Jacky had perched on the highest point of the ship, using her unusually keen eyes to navigate, while Dipper and mabel stood at the bow.

"Hey, how's it going?" Mabel asked a pelican as Dipper struggled to see through the fog. "IT'S GOING AWESOME! BOW-BOW-BA-BOW-BOW!" Mabel suddenly doing a deep, male voice surprised Dipper.

"Mabel, leave that thing alone," he said, pointing to the bird.

"OH, I DON'T MIND NONE!" Mabel said, using the pelican like a ventriliquist dummy. She let go of his bill long enough to point to a glass of water. "Hey, look, I'm drinking water!" While drinking, she tried to make it look like the pelican was singing a nursery rhyme, but ended up choking, making the bird fly away.

"Aren't you supposed to be doing look-out?" Dipper scolded.

"LOOK OUT!" Mabel shouted, hurling a volleyball that hit her twin in the shoulder, making him whimper. Mabel chuckled at his whimpiness. "But seriously, I'm on it." 

At that point, the ship ran aground. "See? We're here!" Mabel said. "I'm like a look-out genius! Hamsterballs, here we come!"

"What's this about a hamsterball?" Jacky asked, leaping off the grounded ship with unnatural grace.

"Mabel wants to buy a human-sized hamsterball that she saw in a magazine," Dipper explained.

"Why am I not surprised? NOW LET'S FIND THE GOBBLEWONKER!!!" And thus they began their search of the island, Dipper looking terrified, Mabel grinning happily, and Soos and Jacky bringing up the rear.

They soon came to a sign mounted to a tree that read "SCUTTLEBUTT ISLAND," and to lighten the mood, Soos covered the scuttle part with his arm. "Dudes, check it out. BUTT ISLAND!"

"Soos, you rapscallion!" Mabel said with a wave of her hand, clearly amused.  _Who even says that anymore?_ Jacky wondered.  _Oh, that's right. Mabel does._ "Hey, Jacky, Dipper? Why aren't you two laughing? Are you scared?"

"I fought a horge of angry Gnomes to save you. I fear nothing but gigantic, man-eating spiders." Jacky said. 

"Yeah, right, I'm not-" Dipper broke off, startled when Mabel poked his nosed and blew a raspberry at him.

"Yeah, you are!" Dipper tried to protest, but Mabel kept poking and blowing raspberries. Luckily he was saved by a sudden growling roar that echoed across the entire island.

"Dude, did you hear that?" Soos asked.

"What was it?" Mabel asked. "Was it your stomach?"

"Nah, my stomach normally sounds like whale noises." Mabel then pressed her ear against his stomach and listened. "So majestic!"

"Okay, this is getting wierd," Jacky commented. "Let's go find the sorce of that sound, snap a few photos, and - whoa, possom!"

Sure enough, the possom stole their lantern. "Ah, my lantent! Ugh, I can't see anything." Dipper said, trying to see through the thick fog.

"Dude, I don't know, man," Soos said, ever the voice of reason. "Maybe this, uh, maybe this isn't worth it?"

"NOT WORTH IT?!" Dipper asked incredulously. "Guys, imagine what would happen if we got that picture!" He and Mabel seemed to go off into their own little world, each imagining what would happen.

"Judging by the looks on your faces, this is gonna be worth it, big time," Jacky said as their smiles grew. "Let's do this thing!"

"I'm in!" Dipper said, coming back to reality.

"Me, too!" Mabel agreed eagerly, before they ran off with Jacky.

"Alright, dudes, I'm comin'!" Soos called after them, clearly not wanting to be left behind. After walking - and beat-boxing - for a while, they heard the growling roar again, just as loud and bone-chilling.

"This is it, this is it!" Dipper said excitedly as he and Mabel followed the sound, lightly punching each other's shoulders. Soos and Jacky exchanged a glance, then each readied a weapon - Soos with a sharp stick and Jacky with her chain and brass knuckles. They spotted what looked like the Loch Ness Monster and hid behind a log for cover, each one peeking over it with a camera - or iPhone, in Jacky's case.

"Everyone, get your camers ready," Dipper whispered as they did so. "Ready? GO!"

Soos wasted no time in jumping over the log and snapping photos, screaming at the top of his lungs all the while, with Dipper, Mabel, and Jacky close behind. But as they got closer, it became apparent that the shadowy creature... was a beaver dam, covered in adorable beavers.

<I love cavorting!>  
<That deserves a hug!>

"But-But what was that noise, then?" Dipper asked, clearly dissapointed. "I heard a monster noise!" they heard it again, and it turned out to be a beaver with a chainsaw, which Soos and Jacky both snapped pictures of.

"I wonder if I could make a horror movie with this?" Jacky wondered aloud. "I think I'll call it 'Beaver Chainsaw Massacre!'"

"Maybe that old guy was crazy, after all," Dipper sighed.

"He  _did_ use the word 'scrap-doodle.'" Mabel agreed.

"What're we gonna say to Grunkle Stan? We ditched him over nothing."

"Wait, wait, wait, what?" Jacky asked, looking and feeling somewhere between shocked and angry. "You  _ditched_ your Grunkle? Do you have any idea how messed up that is?"

"How do you mean?" Dipper asked.

"Dipper, when you get to be an old dude like Stan of McGucket, people start ignoring you!" Jacky explained. "Do you have any idea the lengths they go to just to spend a little quality time with their families before the Grim Reaper comes to take them away?" Mabel and Dipper instantly looked guilty. But before anything else could be said, the island shook.

"Guys, did you feel that?" Dipper asked, before another tremor caused him to fall into the water. "Hey, hey, whoa!" Soos helped him out, and they turned just in time to see a monster swimming nearby. "This is it!" he gasped, taking a picture. "Come on! This is our chance!" he urged the others, but they were staring in a transe at the water, slowly backing away. Only Jacky was snapping pics, and rappidly at that. "What's wrong with you guys?" the boy asked, not seeing the monster raise its head out of the water directly behind him. "It's not that hard! All you gotta do is point and shoot, like this." He turned around and aimed his camera -  _directly into the face of the mother-freakin' Gobblewonker!!!_

It roared at them, and they bolted as it climbed onto land, hurrying after them, knocking down pine trees to try to slow them down. Jacky was lashing her chain at it, glaring furiously. "Back! Bad aquatic dino! Bad!" she yelled. Soos's pointy stick was long-forgotten.

"Get back to the boat, hurry!" Soos yelled urgently as the beast snapped at Mabel. Soos pulled her out of the way and let her ride on his back. Dipper got a pic while running, but tripped over a twig and dropped the camera.

"The picture!" Abandoning survival instinct, he tried to go back for it, but Jacky grabbed him up.

"ONE MEASELY PHOTO ISN'T WORTH LIFE AND DEATH, PINE TREE!!" Jacky yelled, glaring at him.

"Dude, if it makes you feel any better, I got tons of pictures of those beavers!" Soos shouted, trying to compensate.

"Why would that make me feel any better?!" Dipper demanded.

Thankfully, they made it back to the S.S. Cool Dude. "Let's get out of here, dudes!" Soos said, backing up the boat and getting them onto the lake. The Gobblewonker kept coming.

"Alright, this is it! Soos, take a picture!" Dipper urged, but Soos was going on survival instincts, chucking his cameras at the beast. "What are you doing?!"

"S'alright, I still got one left!" Soos said, tossing it to him. It missed and broke.

"Will you forget the stupid picture?!" Jacky screamed, holding back from her urge to cuss. "Our lives are at stake, Pine Tree!" Indeed they were, because the Gobblewonker had not given up the chase, and it proceeded to chase them around the lake, past Stan, and capsize multiple fishing boats. Even the beavers' Loch Ness Monster-shaped dam wasn't spared!

<We're still beavers!>

They crashed through it, and were pelted with falling beavers who proceeded to munch everything! The railing, Dipper's head, Mabel's arm, Soos's face, and when they tried to munch Jacky, she punched them away. "I, in no way condone cruelty to animals," she panted. "But back off, beavers!" Soos had abandoned his post in favor of panicking, and Mabel took the wheel. The Gobblewonker thrashed its head at them, knocking the roof off the ship, even chasing them through a huge glass window - why two guys were trying to move it over the lake in the first place would forever remain unknown.

"Oh, where do I go?!" Mabel asked her twin.

Dipper hastily flipped through the Journal while Soos continued to struggle to get the beaver on his face to let go. "Go to the Falls! I think there might be a cave behind their!" he said at last.

" _Might be?!_ " Mabel nearly screamed. They all screamed and covered their eyes - except Jacky, who grabbed the wheel to steer them. They went through the waterfall and ended up in a cave, hitting the shore so hard and fast that they were catapulted out of the boat and onto dry-ish land. They picked themselves up with a sigh of relief that they were alive, only to stary screaming again as the Gobblewonker bore down on them! Just when they all thought they were toast, the beast got stuck in the mouth of the cave, its middle too fat to get throught!

"It's stuck!" Mabel said, glad it couldn't reach them.

"Ha ha! Yeah!" Dipper cheered, then seemed to realize something. "Wait, it's stuck?!" They all ran up to a little cliff within the cave to get a better view, and Dipper began to frantically search his person for a camera. Mabel lifted her brother's cap with an adorable sound effect, and with a victorious laugh, Dipper began snapping multiple pictures.

"Eat that, Gobblewonker!" Jacky jeered, filming its prediament with her phone. "Who's the tough one now, sucker!"

"Didja get a good one?" Mabel asked.

"They're all good ones!" both Dipper and Jacky exclaimed, high-fiving, then group-hugging while Mabel cheered "Hamterballs!" until a stalactite, knocked loose by the sea monster's thrashing, hit it on the head, causing it to suddenly still, before electricity crackled where head met neck, made a sound like powering down, and it fell dead.

"What the...?" Jacky asked as Dipper climbed down to investigate. He climbed onto its flipper and touched its side, only to recoil like his hand was frozen, before knocking making a metalic sound.

"What's wrong?" Mabel called down, but Dipper wasn't sure yet, and began to climb over it.

"Careful, dude!" Soos warned.

"I've got this, hold on! Dipper responded. When he got to the other side, he shouted, "Hey, guys! Come check this out!" When his companions reached him, they saw a hatch door on top of the Gobblewonker's back. Cautiously, they turned and opened it, releasing a butt-load of steam. And when it cleared...

Old Man McGucket sat muttering frantically inside the metal beast, before looking up and realizing he was caught. "Ah, banjo polish!" he whined in defeat.

"Wha - YOU?!  _YOU_ made  _THIS?!_ " Dipper asked in amazement and confusion. "W-w-why?!"

"Well, I... I... I just wanted attention!" McGucket nearly sobbed guiltily.

"I still don't understand..." the boy said, prompting him to explain.

"Well, first I just hootenannied up a biomechanical brainwave generator," the old man said, waving his arms. "And then I learned to operate a stick-shift with my beard!"

"Impressive." Jacky said, eyes wide with respect for his inventing skills.

Okay, yeah," Mabel said, clearly uncomfortable. "But  _why_ did you do it?"

"Well," McGucket began, taking off his hat and scratching his bald head. "When you get to be an old feller like me, nobody pays you any attention anymore. My own son hasn't visited me in months, so I figured maybe I'd catch his fancy with a 15-ton aquadic robot! Mwahahahaha! A-ha-ha! Ehh... In retrospect, it seems a bit contrived. You just don't know the lengths us old-timers go through for a little quality time with our family."

Mabel and Dipper took out a pair of fishing hats with their names cruely stitched onto the fronts and sighed guiltily. Jacky could only guess the hats were from Stan. "Dude, I guess the real lake-monster is you two." Soos said. "Haha, sorry. it just, boom, just popped into my head there."

"So, did you every talk to your son about how you felt?" Mabel asked, returning her attention to the old man.

"No, sir, I got to work straight on the robot," he said, turning on a slide-show projector to show them what he'd done, starting with the blue-prints for the Gobblewonker. "I made lots of robots in my day, like when my wife left me and I created a homicidal pterodactyl-tron," he changed it to a picture of said robot breathing fire in the newspaper, before switching to a picture of some guy. "Or when my pal Ernie didn't come to my retirement party, and I constructed an 80-ton shame-bot that exploded the entire downtown area!" Cue piture of the downtown area being destroyed. "AHAHAHAHA! A-HA! Well, time to get back to work on my death-ray!" he then ducked back into the inside of the robot and began tinkering, before raising a hand. "Any of you kids got a screwdriver?"

Jacky sighed sadly, then knelt down to speak with him. "Hey, Mr. McGucket?"

"Oh! Jacky, I didn't see ya there!" the old hillbilly said, popping back up. "What can I do ya fer?"

"Listen, I wanna make a deal with you," Jacky said. "If you want, I can help you reconnect with your son, but you can't get something for nothing."

"You mean ya wanna help me?" he asked in surprise. "If it means a chance to mend my family, I'll do anythin' ya say!"

"If you promise to stop terrorizing folks with your robots and use your inventing and engineering skills for good, I'll help restore your bond with your son. Do we have a deal?" the tall blond asked, extending her hand to him.

"It's a small price to pay to have my son back, so why not?" McGucket gave it, reaching for her hand. "Deal!" They shook on it, both smiling.

"I'll meet you at your place tomorrow, and we can get started," Jacky said. "C'mon, guys. Let's get outta this cave."

"Well, so much for the photo contest..." Dipper pouted.

"We still have one roll of film left," Mabel reminded him.

"What do you wanna do with it?"

* * *

(with Stan...)

Stan was the only one left on the lake as the sun was going down, and he was heading for shore with a sigh of dissapointment. He hadn't caught a damn thing, and his niece and nephew had ditched him. Not only that, but he'd seen Jacky join them a little while later. Could today get any worse?

"Hey! Over here!" Dipper's voice shouted as they pulled up beside him in a very broken boat. The S.S. Cool Dude was on its last legs. They all slowed to a stop, and Dipper snapped a pic of his Grunkle.

"What the? Kids? I thought you were off playing 'spin-the-bottle' with Soos and Jacky?" Stan asked, still feeling betrayed.

"Well, we spent all day trying to find a legendary dinosaur," Dipper began.

"But we realized the only dinosaur we wanna hang out with is right here!" Mabel finished for him, gesturing to Stan with a smile.

"Save your sympathy!" Stan said, waving them off. "I've been having a great time without you. Making friends, talking to my reflection, I even had a run-in with the lake police. I guess now i gotta wear this ankle bracelet, so that'll be fun."

"So, I guess there isn't room in that boat for four more?" Jacky asked, Soos's boat slowly filling with water and sinking.

Stan's frown softened as Mabel and Dipper put on their fishing hats. "You knuckleheads ever seen me thread a hook with my eyes closed?" he asked, his invite clear.

"Five bucks says you can't do it!" the boy challenged.

"You're on!" Stan agreed as Dipper hopped on.

"Five more bucks says you can't do it with your eyes closed," Mabel added, "PLUS me and Jacky singing at the top of our lungs!"

"I like those odds!' Stan said as his niece got on board, followed by Jacky and Soos. "Whoa, what happened to your shirt?" he asked the handyman.

"Long story, dude." was all Soos was willing to say.

"Alright, everybody get together," Dipper said, taking out his camera. "Say 'Fishing!'"

"Fishing!" Mabel, Stan and Jacky said out-of-synch.

"Dude, am I in the frame?" Soos asked before Dipper snapped the first of many fun filled photos of the evening.

Later, as they were heading back to shore, their boat hit something in the water. "What was that?" Dipper asked. Mabel only shrugged. However, Jacky smiled secretively. For she knew, that below the surface, the one true Gobblewonker was thanking them for clearing its name and preserving its place as nothing more than a local myth, while possibly snapping up the cameras that had fallen in earlier.

 


End file.
